So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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