I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
