Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize