Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
