those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
