okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
