I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
