My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When are your genitals available?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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