Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
