The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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