She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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