3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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