I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize