i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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