WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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