Plan B is the new Plan A
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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