My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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