I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
