Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
