So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
