Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
