but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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