I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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