Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
