Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
