ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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