I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
