did you get engaged???
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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