Just fell off a train. Bad.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
