Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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