i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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