I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
