my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
