i think my mom watched the whole time
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
