Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
