maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
