Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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