i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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