i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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