Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
