nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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