i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
