Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
