Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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