We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I believe in your delicious
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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