You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
