i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
