She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
