Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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