So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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