they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
