I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
