Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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