i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
