How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
