and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
