I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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