Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
