I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
