It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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