his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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