He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
