Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Holy shit dude........stairs
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
