I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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