god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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