your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
