i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
