When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
