so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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