oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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