you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
