There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
