jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
